I have been through much pain in my life, but that is true of most people. I tried to be what I thought was "righteous" and good, but somehow it never worked the way I thought it should. My righteousness truly was as filthy rags. What I've discovered about myself is that, no matter what, God loves me. No matter what, Jesus' blood is enough for my sins. No matter what, the Holy Spirit speaks to me. He is enough, I am not.
I am writing this as I am looking at the love of my life. Not the one whom I married so many years ago. Not the one with whom I had 2 beautiful children. But the one who I trusted all these years, the one who has loved me for 39 years, since we were 13 and 14 years old. I don't know how this works with God, but I know it does. What I've discovered is that I can't put God into any box and expect Him to stay there, expect Him to work the way I think He should. He does what He does, in spite of what I think. All I know is that I cried out to God and He heard my prayers, and answered me in a way I would have never expected or even asked for. But I do thank Him. I don't understand, but I thank Him. As Bill Johnson says, in order to receive the peace that passes understanding, you must give up your right to understand. I don't understand, but I accept, and am eternally grateful, and I am at peace.
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