Moving on...

As the Christmas season is upon me, all the past joys of family and friends come flooding back over me. My first Christmas last year as a Grandma. It was wonderful to see her just being her. I won't see that this Christmas, maybe next year. I usually buy the kids jammies and we all put them on to open our gifts together. I'll still send them jammies, but it won't be the same. What about gifts? It is hard to buy someone a gift without hypocrisy if they won't even talk to you. I don't and won't do things from a "guilt" angle, and hate to be manipulated. I guess I will choose to look on it as doing it from the platform of faith. Faith that someday things will be different, that someday I will be forgiven for changing my life and messing with theirs.

I am sitting in my Grandpa Slack's rocking chair in front of the fire, looking at Sam and my first Christmas tree. The tree is small but well shaped and pretty. Kind of like my new life, a small, humble start, but delightful on the inside. I've gone from a beautiful house that I helped fix up to a 2-bedroom apartment that we rent. No vacuum cleaner yet, the television is still in it's bubble wrap from moving, and the kitchen has very little storage.

Don't get me wrong, my old life had plenty of love in it. My children loved me, my family loved me, my friends loved me, even my dog loved me. Well at least I thought they did, time will tell, but my kids do love me. Now, here in my new life, I am surrounded by love, acceptance and contentment. This love of ours has come at a great cost. Every where I turn, I am reminded of the cost. Cost not only us, but those we love. Unfortunately, being sorry doesn't change the reality of the hurt we have placed on others. There is no going back to put things "right". Not only would it be futile, I can't and don't want to. There is a song by Rascal Flatts called "The Day Before You" (press on the title to listen) that has become Sam and my theme song. " I never have to go back to - the day before you..."

So now it's time, time to move on. Mentally I have been clinging to the past; Past hurts, past pain, past joys, past relationships. The past is over, a new life is here. I choose to live in the newness of the life I have been given. I'm hoping my loved ones will accept me in my new life, which includes the love of my life, Sam. If not, I will be sorrowful, shedding many tears for the loss, but I must and will, move on. I will concentrate on those who love me for who I am, not for what I do or have done for them, but because I am their daughter, sister, auntie, mother or friend. Not because I represented something in their life, but because I am me. That is beautiful and I want to emulate that in my relationship with others.
So now I choose to live in the life that I've been given. I choose to feel the joys and the sorrows that new life brings, hopefully, never again to build walls and to stick my head in the sand trying to avoid the pain.
I have been forgiven so I will feel, I will live, I will love.

Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven-for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little. - Luke 7:47

Remembrance

I know I titled this blog "Stones of Remembrance", and I meant it. I love to remember the goodness of the Lord in my life and share it with others. The problem comes when you shut everything out of you mind except the goodness of the Lord. I though that doing the above was being "faith-filled" and forgiving. I was wrong.
How can you forgive anyone when you refuse to remember what you are forgiving them for? I can tell you by personal experience, you can't. You must look the hurt or wrong in the face, fully understanding how it has affected you, even destroyed you on some levels, then forgive. This kind of forgiveness is challenging. Without thought process, forgiving is easy, that is, until you remember.
I shut out many years of wrongs and pain, only to find them flooding back on me as soon as I thought about it. There was no closure for any of it, only refusing to think about it. So now I choose to remember.
I remember the betrayals, unfaithfulness, lies and verbal hurts. After I remembered, I wept (still do when another "un-thought about" situation rears it's ugly head). I now choose to feel the pain, the anger, the hurt that I should have let myself feel at the time. Maybe things would have turned out differently, I don't know. I didn't because I was such a "woman of God". Ha! I was an ostrich with her head in the sand spouting Bible verses to shut out the pain. What happens is when you shut out the pain, you shut out other feelings as well. You are essentially the walking dead. No feelings, no love, no nothing. But God in His infinite mercy and goodness, brought a mirror to me in the form of a man. I finally saw myself and my situation in another's eyes, and my walls that I'd built over the entirety of life, came tumbling down. Leaving me emotionally and spiritually naked. I re-lived those events that had caused me to decide that thinking was an un-wise activity. I hurt. I cried. I yelled - then I left.
I didn't yell at anyone out loud much, I wasn't quite there. But I yelled and screamed on the inside as I saw how I had diminished myself in my own eyes by accepting the treatment I received. That is not forgiveness, that is acquiescence. Looks the same from the outside but poisons the inside.
So I choose to forgive every hurt and wrong that comes up to be felt. It may take a while to "feel" forgiveness, but I forgive.
Now - I move on.
I have a man who loves me for who I am. Who doesn't want to change me. Who I am enough for. A man with whom I have had more peace, joy and happiness with in the last 2 months, than I'd experienced in the previous 33 years. Someone who listens and asks questions, someone with whom I can share my deep secrets and not fear being exposed.
I now know life and love are so much simpler than I thought. I always tried to make them some complicated religious experience so only the wise and learned could walk in.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Mt. 11:28-30

If your burden isn't light and your load isn't easy, it isn't from the Lord.
As I said in my previous blog, I don't know how God works this all out, but he does. I think he loves making us take a look at the paradigms that we have allowed to define us and showing us how they don't work. Any paradigm other than Jesus, and him crucified, is a wrong one. So how can I who am seemingly living "in sin", and adultery be at peace with my Lord? Here's how I look at it:
My own righteousness is and always has been and always will be, filthy rags. So what I do or don't do has no effect on my righteousness. I have the righteousness of Christ over me. I am not a hypocrite, I never lied to anyone about what I was doing. I purposefully left my husband (mentally before bodily, because it was my house too), before I was joined with my new husband. Yes, I said husband. Marriage is a commitment, and I have never made a bigger commitment than the one we made with each other. It cost us everything. We both knew the cost, and decided it was worth it. Those who truly love and care for me will eventually accept me in my new circumstances. Yes, the cost was shared by my family too, even though they had no say in the matter. But that is what a family is about. They shared in the pain and joy of many other decisions placed on them and decisions they placed on me. Love covers over a multitude of sins. Sam and I will marry legally as soon as we can, we think that is important. In the meantime, I have chosen inner peace and outer chaos, over inner chaos and outer peace.

When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her...At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left" John 8:7-9

The God who loves me

I have been through much pain in my life, but that is true of most people. I tried to be what I thought was "righteous" and good, but somehow it never worked the way I thought it should. My righteousness truly was as filthy rags. What I've discovered about myself is that, no matter what, God loves me. No matter what, Jesus' blood is enough for my sins. No matter what, the Holy Spirit speaks to me. He is enough, I am not.
I am writing this as I am looking at the love of my life. Not the one whom I married so many years ago. Not the one with whom I had 2 beautiful children. But the one who I trusted all these years, the one who has loved me for 39 years, since we were 13 and 14 years old. I don't know how this works with God, but I know it does. What I've discovered is that I can't put God into any box and expect Him to stay there, expect Him to work the way I think He should. He does what He does, in spite of what I think. All I know is that I cried out to God and He heard my prayers, and answered me in a way I would have never expected or even asked for. But I do thank Him. I don't understand, but I thank Him. As Bill Johnson says, in order to receive the peace that passes understanding, you must give up your right to understand. I don't understand, but I accept, and am eternally grateful, and I am at peace.

Where do they go?

This was written by my sister Cindie. The Lord gave it to her in the middle of the night. I hope she doesn't mind if I post it here on my blog. I think it says alot...


Where Do They Go?
Where does a young boy go when he is not good enough for his mother?
He works harder to be a 'good boy.'

Where does that boy go when he finds that he is still not good enough?
He goes underground. He does the dance that pleases her, but does not walk in truth. He makes that chameleon-like dance his way of life.

Where does a young man go when he has performed his way through childhood and young adulthood?
He finds a woman to marry that is not good enough. He tries to drown out the 'not good enough' sounds with chasing money and other women. It is not good enough for him. Amid all of the performances, he forgot who he really was.

Where does a young woman go when she is not good enough for her husband?
She works harder to be a 'good wife.' She looks better, she gives him what he asks, but she does not walk in truth. She is still not good enough.

Where does a young mother go when she is not good enough for her husband?
She works harder to be a 'good mother and good wife.' She molds herself into what she thinks he wants. She is still not good enough.

She is not good enough. She has lost her true self. Amid all of the performances, she forgot who she really was.

Where does a middle aged, hollowed out woman go when she finds herself lost?
Her children have given her good enough grandchildren.
She knows that she is still not good enough, but starts to wonder why? She is weary of the performances and cannot seem to keep the lies that are her life as straight as she used to.

She starts to remember glimpses of the good little girl she used to be. She remembers that she was good enough for her mother, she was good enough for her family and friends long ago.

....wait! She was once beautiful and good and strong and wise! She suddenly looks into the mirror of the past and remembers!

Where does she go?
She goes into the arms of someone who sees that she is better than good enough!
She goes to her mother who has always thought she was the best!
She goes back and remembers the truth about herself. She stops listening to the talk that tells her that she has never been good enough and starts really hearing the truth of what God says about her.

She was formed by God himself! Of course she is good enough!

Where does an old man go, who was never good enough for his mother and found that his wife was never good enough for him?

Unscathed

"Mom, look at him! This can't be the flu!" My daughter, Kelly, had run next door to my house with my 9 month-old grandson, Ben, laying lethargic in her arms. Fear gripped me as I tried to talk to him, but he didn't seem to recognize me. His arms, legs and face were swollen to the point of being unrecognizable as my sweet baby Ben.

It had started out as flu-like symptoms (vomiting, diarrhea) three days earlier. My daughter had taken him to his pediatrician and his holistic chiropractor. They both thought it was the flu and told her to keep a close watch on him in case there were any changes.

I tried to keep myself together to help my frightened daughter, but I knew from looking at him that this was something serious. We immediately called Ben's pediatrician and rushed him to an emergency care clinic. There, after the blood work they took, they told us that this was something life-threatning, he was in renal failure, and called for an ambulance to Children's Hospital. I couldn't believe this was happening to my family, to baby Ben, who was so loved. As I held my vomiting grandson, now unresponsive in my arms, an almost overwhelming feeling of dread clutched at my heart .

We had already called everyone we could think of to start praying when the screaming sirens stopped in front of the emergency care clinic. The paramedics, hoping his little heart wouldn't quit before they could get him to Children's, immediately began attaching Ben to a heart monitor.

As they were loading Ben and Kelly in the ambulance for the trip to Children's, Geoff, Kelly's husband arrived. I wanted so badly to go with Geoff and Kelly, but Ben's 3 brothers needed me to take care of them. Driving home to Larry (my husband) and the boys, I began begging God to spare his life, tears pouring down my face. At the moment that plea came out of my mouth, I understood that I may never see my grandson alive again. Somehow, through my sobs, I heard God speak. In his loving way He reminded me that Ben was His, always, not ours. He assured me that whether Ben lived or died, it was all okay. Suddenly, a peace that passed all understanding flowed through me that replaced the terror and grief I had been overcome with the moment before.

At the hospital, the news was not good. Ben was in a shock similar to meningitis, from a strain of e-coli . He had HUS (basically his kidneys had shut down). We didn't know if he would survive and if he did what damage would remain. For days he didn't recognize or respond to anyone. To see our little 9 month old Ben in intensive care, with tubes coming out of him, was almost too much to handle. The next few weeks brought 3 surgeries, dialysis and then weeks on the kidney floor. Even so, friends were amazed, as we were, at the quiet peace we all maintained. There was no other explanation than the Holy Spirit of God who had visited us with His peace.

The long days of waiting and wondering finally came to an end, Ben came out of the ordeal almost unscathed and completely healed! He is now 4 years old and busy, healthy and a handful. In other words, normal! Praise God! We are grateful and thank God every day for His gift of healing.

The provision that God blessed us with during that frightening time, was what amazed me the most. Not only the provision of His wonderful peace, but our everyday needs as well. He provided money, food and so many wonderful people who loved on us. Nothing was too small for him to take care of. I knew that God could and does heal, even in hopeless situations, but the seemingly insignificant things He took care of, with the realization of how much he loves us compelled me to my knees in praise and thanksgiving.
Surrounded and covered with his love, peace and presence, I realized that there is no situation, no illness, no pain that God cannot conquer! Praise be His Name!

Psalms 30:2
O Lord my God, I called to you for help and you healed me

.

Phil. 4:7
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

"Kingdomese" is spoken here

I've decided that since I am a child and a citizen of the Kingdom of God, that I had better learn to speak "Kingdomese". Unfortunately, there is no Rosetta Stone for Kingdomese, you have to learn it by repetition (confessing the truth). I live and walk under the jurisdiction of the Kingdom, so to be able to use the authority I've been given in this Kingdom, I must speak the language. Here are a few Kingdom truths that I am confessing (speaking Kingdomese):

1. Because I have confessed and believed the sacrifice of Christ on the cross, and His resurrection, I have salvation. Christ is now my Lord and my Savior. I have become God's righteousness (isn't this a mind bending fact!)

Rom. 10:9
If you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
1 Cor. 5:21
God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

2. Because of Christ, I am a NEW creation! Satan no longer has any power over me. I walk in victory because of Christ and HIS work on the cross and HIS resurrection power. I can do anything because of Him! Any other belief is not from above!

1 Cor. 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

Phil. 4:13
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

3. Because the Lord is my shepherd, I have everything I need. All I need is found in Him. I do not want for _______ (place your need in the blank - healing, provision, comfort, etc.) because of Christ.

Ps. 23:1
The LORD is my shepherd; I have everything I need.

Phil. 4:19
And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.


The truth is that we are always confessing something. Life or death, darkness or light, good or evil. There are only 2 languages, Faith (Kingdomese) and fear. Faith comes from the Father above and fear comes from the father below. I think I'll stick with the Father above!

Prov. 18:21
The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

Another thing I know is My Redeemer Lives! Listen to this great song by Nicole Mullens
My Redeemer Lives

Thanks!

Years ago I decided to be deliberate in my thankfulness to God. What that did was open my eyes to see more of God's goodness and favor. I think when we acknowledge the Lord and the good He's done for us, He piles on more!

I was reading a blog from Gregory Dickow, and he talked about how we limit God when we forget about what He's done for us. So I thought I'd take a few minutes to thank God for some of the everyday miracles in my life. My sister did this last week, and it really blessed and inspired me when I read her list. I hope this will bless you, too.

1. I can breathe - Last night I had a dream that I couldn't breathe, so I am thankful this morning that I can.

2. I can walk - Ten years ago I injured my feet, and they didn't have the strength to hold me up for very long. Now they work great!

3. My husband - I am thankful 1) that he doesn't mind doing errands (which I hate to do); 2) he makes me coffee every morning; 3) that he made it possible for me to stay home and raise our children; 4) that he's handsome! We have definitely had serious problems in the past, but with the Grace of God, we've made it for almost 33 years.

4. My children love the Lord - This is a major praise in my life. Both of my kids have had very rebellious pasts. My son should have died many times (drugs, cancer and more) but God spared him. How could I not be thankful since I have the best children around?!

5. My children have great spouses - I thank God on a daily basis for spouses that love my children and even like them too - most of the time! I have the best there is! My daughter had a horrible first marriage, and it was so painful for me to watch her hurt. Now she is so happy! Yeah God! So, thanks Wendy and Bret for loving my children so well.

6. I have good friends I can count on - We have a great small group of the most loving and loyal people. Members of the group not only pray for each other, they have given sacrificially to each other. One couple, who had major financial problems in the past, was given a large gift by another couple in the group. In turn, they gave to another couple's children when it was desperately needed. If someone leaves our church, they still come to our group and are welcome. We can share anything and not feel judged. Now that is real Church!

7. I have an extended family that will be there no matter what - Over the years, we have all lived with each other when our fortunes were down and still mostly like each other. We may fight occasionally, but I know that when times are tough, they will be there for me and will rejoice with me when times are good.

8. My parents loved me and loved God - This is the foundation of who I am. I know so many people who didn't have parents who loved them or who didn't raise them to know the Lord, and they are envious of me for my great parents and family. I’m almost jealous of myself!

9. I have an adorable and healthy granddaughter – Delaney is a miracle and the light of my life. Read my “Sometimes I forget” blog entry to see why.

I am thankful for all the little things that make my life good. I thank God, out loud, for the parts of my body that work – eyes, bladder (don't take it for granted - think of the alternative!), fingers to type this blog, brain, etc.

I don't want to limit God by being ungrateful or forgetting all He's done. I want all the blessings He has for me! So if you hear me say, "Thank you, Lord, for my bladder," just smile and say "Amen."

Ps. 78:41, 42
Yes, again and again they tempted God and limited the Holy One of Israel.
They forgot about His power and how He rescued them from their enemies. They did not remember His power.

Satisfied?

I have been ruminating on what I should write about next. I wanted this blog to talk about the goodness of God, and remembering what He has done in our lives. I think I need to be reminded that it's not about what God has done for or in me (although I am so thankful!), but about Him. Am I looking for Him? Am I longing for Him? Am I listening for Him? I know that my heart is unsettled and wants more. Not more "stuff" from Him (not that I don't welcome that), but Him. It is an intimate relationship. My relationship with my husband isn't built on the gifts he gives me (though diamonds definitely help!), but on time spent, things shared and emotions revealed. My relationship with the Lord isn't on "stuff" either. It is time spent WITH Him, not learning about Him in the Bible or sermons (although that enhances a good relationship). It's about time on my knees or face or just listening for and to Him. That is the only thing that truly satisfies me. I need it, just as I need to breath and eat, I need Him to survive.
I encourage each of you to find out what that means in your life. In my life it means taking time to just "be" before Him. To sit or lay listening to praise music, or just listening, letting God speak to me. It may bring up songs that I begin to sing before Him, or even dancing and jumping in excitement (luckily no one else sees me but God). What ever it is, if I don't spend time with Him, I feel incomplete and dissatisfied. I don't know about you, but I want more of Him.

Ps. 42:1,2 - As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.

Ps. 42:11 - Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

Listen to this great song from Salvador that speaks to what I'm saying. You will have to cut and paste, it won't let me link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gr4kZY9amZo&feature=related

Pain to Praise

For 25 years Lynn had watched Joe struggle with anger and frustration; his spiritual, mental and physical health declining with each passing year. Lynn found herself living with a constant knot in her stomach wondering what Joe's mood would be each evening as he returned from work. Would he blow up? She could see his job was killing him. She longed to see once again the happy, funny man she had married. Lynn knew that the only hope was the Lord, so everyday found her crying out to God.
When Joe decided they needed to pick up and move, even though he didn't really know what they were heading tino, Lynn was more than willing to go. Whatever it took to have her husband back. She put her trust in God, and off they went.
There were anxious and lean times during the years after their move across country since Joe didn't have a regular paying job. They had already gone through most of their savings and retirement, existing primarily on Lynn's part-time job. But for Lynn, the price was a small one to pay compared to what they had gained as a couple. She had her Joe back. He was once again laughing and joking, and his faith in God had returned and grown strong. The knot in her stomach had also disappeared. Lynn thanked God daily that He had answered her prayers.
A few years after they had moved, they received $10,000 from an unexpected sale. Praise God! There would be enough to live on and for Christmas. (Their family had increased in size since their move.) Around the same time, their church had begun a building program asking for support pledges. Joe and Lynn wanted to participate, so they both prayed about what to pledge. Lynn felt God had told her they were to pledge the entire $10,000 that had come in. God had told Joe a completely different amount, a monthly pledge of $200. When both told the other the amount God impressed on them, they decided to "go big or go home" and pledged BOTH amounts. Neither Joe nor Lynn felt any fear or hesitation because God had proven Himself as a faithful and loving provider many times before. The next Sunday found them joyfully giving their $10,000, both excited to see how God would provide. They didn't have to wait long. The very next day, a family member who had no idea of what Joe and Lynn had just done came over and handed them their Christmas gift - a check for $10,000! After they picked themselves up off the floor, they Praised the Lord as once again, He had shown himself faithful and in a way they would never have guessed.

Ps. 28:7 - The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.

Ps. 117:2 - For his merciful kindness is great toward us: and the truth of the LORD [endureth] for ever. Praise ye the LORD.

Howie's Big Adventure

Howie was an adventurous 8 year old who's imagination drove him to dangerous feats of daring, dangerous and daring for an 8 year old that is. One Sunday afternoon Howie's parents (who were pastors in a small Wisconsin community) were entertaining some parishoners at their small parsonage while he was playing the hero rescuing some young girl in distress. Rescuing others had begun dominating both Howie's daytime and night time dreams. He had become obsessed with these imagined rescues since losing his sister to drowning the summer before while they were swimming together at church camp. I don't know if his inability to save her triggered his life-long obsession, but none the less it was there.
As Howie was running, chasing an imagined bad guy, he stepped down on his ankle and heard a crack. Very un-hero like, he starting screaming and crying. His dad came running and picked him up and carried him to the parsonage. In those days, the church didn't provide their pastors with insurance, nor could the pastors afford to get their own. So they had to rely on God. (What a novel idea!) In the living room his parents and their company laid hands on him and prayed a prayer of faith. As soon as they prayed, Howie's ankle stopped hurting so he immediately jumped up and ran off to continue with his interrupted adventures.
Years later, while attending Northwest College, Howie twisted his ankle playing soccer and had to have his ankle x-rayed. The attending Doctor asked him when he had broken his ankle before, and Howie said " I've never broken my ankle." The Doctor pointed to a healed fracture on the X-ray, and said "yes, this is clearly a healed fracture from years ago." Howie then remembered the time when he was 8. He knew that God had performed a miracle of healing those many years ago for a small boy who hadn't even know what was happening. God is so faithful. Even when we don't know what's going on, He does!

James 5:14-15 - Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven.

Desire of my Heart

This is a story from my friend Dana Krouse.

I want to share with everyone something that has just happened in my life. My husband, Larry, and I have been married since Adam and Eve. Just kidding; it only seems that way sometimes. We met when I was 14 and he was 15, dated for four years, then married at the ripe old age of 18… mere babies!!!

For me, all I can say is I watched way too many romance movies and thought that was how our life would be. I soon had a rude awakening!!! However, I thought, “I know, all I need to do is change him, then all will be right with the world!” I don’t have to tell you that it took only about two days into my plan to figure out that was not a happening deal!

Over the course of the past 37 years, 8 months and 4 days (but who’s counting) I had decided I would take responsibility for my actions and leave the rest up to God. I would just settle for mediocrity! (Hmm, was I serving a mediocre God?) We’d been the whole counseling route with me totally believe that God could change him. (You see, I didn’t have a problem!) So, once again, since God wasn’t working on my timetable, I decided to settle. Thankfully God hadn’t decided to settle, He had much bigger plans…

After years of mediocrity, very few joys and plenty of pain, we decided to do something about it. We headed off to Discovery, a weekend retreat that asks, “What do you want out of life, and why aren’t you getting it?” I went into the weekend thinking that Larry needed about 80 percent of the work and me, Dana, only 20 percent. I also went into it with the determination that there were several things that I would never, in a million years, share with anyone! To make a long story short, 30 minutes into the first session, they were asking people why they were there and what they wanted out of the weekend (by the way, Larry and I were in separate classes). Well, blow my socks off if I wasn’t the second person to stand! I started singing like a bird, telling ALL ABOUT WHAT I WAS NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT! There were times that I had an out-of –body experience wondering who all of this was coming from and how that came out of my mouth!

Larry and I did not see each other for much of the weekend, so I had no idea how he was responding to it all. (To say that Larry is not the most talkative or expressive person alive would be an extreme understatement. As I always say, I do enough talking and have enough drama for the both of us.) On the last evening, everyone came together, and we were asked to share what was on our heart. Larry shot up out of his chair as soon as the first person had finished… he jumped up like the Holy Spirit has poked him in the butt with a pin! Larry confessed to the entire room that he had been angry and unforgiving for the entire 37 years that we had been married. He turned to me in front of about 200+ people and said how sorry he was, asking my forgiveness. Now picture if you will the commercial of the man and woman running to each other out in the field… that was us; both of us crying like big babies! It was the most precious thing ever! It wasn’t what he said that got to me but how he shot out of that chair with such urgency and such a sincere heart. A true Romantic movie moment!

There is now peace and joy in our home that neither of us have ever felt before. There is understanding and teamwork like never before. Only God performs those kinds of miracles, and I am thankful for my life everyday.

Dana Krouse

Psalms 37:4 - Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Different Plans

Martha was born in Ogden, Utah, to a conservative Mormon family. Her mother died when she was thirteen, the very time a young girl needs her mother to direct her towards womanhood. After her Mother's death, the family (which consisted of Martha's father, 3 older sisters, one older brother, Martha and one younger brother) fell apart.
After a few hard, lonely years went by, Martha found herself pregnant. This was 1926 and these things, especially in her community and in her family, weren't met with any grace. Not knowing what to do, where to go or who to turn to, and feeling she had no other choice, Martha decided to kill herself. She was alone, unmarried and she couldn't live or have her family live through the shame of an illegitimate pregnancy and birth. Martha didn't know Jesus' love yet, but He knew her, and His plans were very different than hers.
At the darkest point, Martha shared with a friend her plans for ending her life. When her friend's older brother Jack, who was in the Navy at the time, heard about Martha's plans of suicide, he said " tell Martha not to kill herself, I'll marry her." And that's just what he did.
Jack had been raised in the same closed Mormon community and knew what the response would be to Martha's pregnancy. In spite of his rough ways, he was a good-hearted man, always fighting for the underdog. Jack told Martha he would marry her and give the baby a name, then they would divorce. That was his plan, but God had other plans. Jack didn't believe in Jesus' love yet , but Jesus believed in him.
Martha and Jack married in April of 1926, and moved to a small town in California. In spite of having been raised in a conservative area, they were both hard-drinking, hard-living people. The plans Jack had of divorcing right away didn't materialize. Not only did they stay together after the first baby, a girl, was born, but 2 years later, they added another baby girl to their family.
Being of Irish descent, fighting and drinking were in Martha and Jack's blood. Arguments filled their life and marriage for the first 5 years. Then something miraculous happened. They both met Jesus, and the course of their lives and the lives of their descendants were changed forever. Gone were the nights of raised voices, and broken dreams. A peace they had never known before filled their home. The oldest girl even went around staring at her mother, hardly understanding what she was saying since the cursing that had been such a part of everyday language in her home, was now gone.
Instead of the death that Satan wanted to bring to Martha and her unborn child, Christ brought life and a heritage of holiness. From the 34 year union of Martha and Jack, came 5 children, 4 of whom are serving God and have raised their families to serve or know of Him. There are over 5 ministers or ministers wives that have come from their union and many community and church leaders.
God knew that Jack and Martha were His, even before they did. He knew the plans He had for them, plans for hope and a future. A future with Him.
In the years that followed Martha's conversion, she responded, when asked about the stigma of those early times "It's under Christ's blood." meaning, God has forgotten and forgiven, why should I do less?
If you have a past that continues to haunt you, be thankful for it. Just like Martha and Jack, you have no idea what will come from your mistakes. I know that if you leave it in God's hands, it will work for good. You have His word on it!

Genesis 50:20 - "As for you, you meant evil against me, {but} God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive." (NASB)

Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (NIV)

The List

They met at Bible school in 1947. Dad was attending school on a GI bill from World War II where he had been a POW in a German prison camp. My mom was a pretty, vivacious young woman, who wanted to do something for God, and figured Bible school would be a good place to start (not to mention meet a handsome Godly man!)
Mom had seen my Dad's light blonde head across the campus and told her friend, "I'll probably marry that boy." Dad, equally attracted, fought off mom's other suitors (of which she had many), and claimed his place beside her at chapel and other school functions. They didn't date all year because, in those days at that school, you could only date on Wednesday evenings and Sunday afternoons. As they both travelled in singing groups that used up their Wednesdays and Sundays, Dad had to wait for 6 months before asking Mom on a date. After that, it didn't take them long to fall in love. They married in August 1949 and moved into a small attic apartment. They're lives were full with school, weekend preaching and singing engagements. Dad also had a job laying sewer pipe to keep his now growing family fed, since Mom had quickly become pregnant with my sister Cheri (THAT activity, obviously, was not kept to only Wednesdays and Sundays!) They were happy, fulfilled, and broke.
Dad's payday was a ways off and he'd become a bit worried since my Mom was pregnant and, like Old Mother Hubbard, their cupboard was practically bare. So one morning, Mom made a list of the things they needed in anticipation of payday. That same day, a man from the church they attended came up to Mom and asked how she and Dad were making it. Being Mom, she wouldn't let him know that they were broke , she said "We are making it fine!" He said " What I mean is, can you use some home-canned beans and such that my wife put up?" My mom thankfully accepted his kind offer and hid her excitement over the possibility of having food other than the meager rations they were getting along with. That afternoon, the man knocked on their door and in his arms were bags of groceries. Not only his wife's canned goods, but EVERYTHING MOM HAD WRITTEN ON THE LIST! She had told neither him nor anyone else what she had written down plus they hadn't even prayed specifically for food. They trusted God to meet their needs, and without even asking He answered. Our God is Faithful!

Is. 65:24
I will answer them before they even call to me. While they are still talking to me about their needs, I will go ahead and answer their prayers!

Sometimes I Forget

This is a testimony from my son, Tyler, written at the end of September 2008:

I sometimes forget how much God has brought me through in this last year, so I will write it down to go back to and to bless anyone who reads it. Feel free to give this to whomever you wish.

Last year (2007) around the end of June I was diagnosed with testicular cancer. Talk about bad news; not only was I in pain, but one of my 'boys' was going bye-bye! Of course, this was devastating to my wife, Wendy, but like the strong woman of God she is, she took it and prayed.
We also learned that it would be nearly impossible to have children for 2 - 7 years. This, of course, was also a shock to Wendy and I, so we kept praying for a miracle.

The surgery was a relatively short one...I think. Actually, I have no idea! I woke up a couple hours later, high as a kite and thankful that one pain had stopped (a 1" x 1 1/2" tumor down there can ruin your day - trust me) and the glass was 1/2 full, if you know what I mean.

I would start chemo the next day, so Wendy took me out to our favorite restaurant to give us one last hurrah before the chemo pain really set in. At this point I was outwardly okay, but inside I was more afraid then I had ever been before. Wendy wrapped some "pre-chemo" gifts for me, and I opened them after we ordered our appetizers. To tell you the truth, I was very under-impressed with the gifts...gum, mints...ummm are you trying to tell me something? The last gift was a small rectangular object that I opened thinking, "Oh great, more gum." My mouth opened with disbelief as I stared at the most beautiful thing a man could ever see. My wife had been keeping this to herself for a week because she wanted to get checked out by her doctor. She was pregnant! I was so excited I could not eat, so we left the restaurant and headed to spread the word. The fear drained out of my heart and was replaced with hope and faith. God had given me what I needed to fight this battle!

The first day of chemo (and for the next couple of months) I was hooked up to a bag of poison that was intended to kill the cancer but almost killed me. I went from a hairy, tan 195 pounder to a sick, bald 140 pounder. Towards the end of the treatment, I could not walk more than a couple of steps before passing out. My beautiful 5'2" pregnant wife carried me to the bathroom and took care of me as only an angel could.

I was supposed to have another surgery (it was scheduled, and I was mentally prepared) that reminded me of some of the medieval tortures I had seen on movies like Braveheart. You see, the cancer had spread into my lymph nodes and would be at risk for future growth if I did not get this surgery. After LOTS of praying by my family, friends and church, another miracle happened. The affected lymph nodes had shrunk to the point that they were no longer a concern to the Oncologist. Praise the Lord!

So after my last chemo treatment in October 2007, I got healthy and could now take better care of my wife who was by now EXTREMELY pregnant. Since then, it has been a struggle to get back to some semblance of stability, but our daughter, Delaney Jenna Flaherty, was born on April 1, 2008. She is a miracle, and so is the fact that I am still alive and healthy.

When you are going through a tough time, remember this - God's faithfulness is absolute. He loves us and knows what we need and when we need it. To those who prayed us through this trial, God will bless you.

Tyler Flaherty

A Prayer Closet Experience

Mom and Dad were pastors of a church in Sparks, Nevada, when I was 10. Church camp was coming up the next day, and I decided I needed to go. I told my mom that I wanted to go, but she reluctantly told me they had no money. (In those days, keeping the pastor poor meant he would be closer to God somehow!)

Dad had recently preached a moving sermon on going into your prayer closet from Matthew 6:6

When you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your

Father secretly. Then your Father, who knows all secrets, will reward you. Mt. 6:6 NLT

So, undaunted by the news, I told my mom I would ask God. Going into my closet, I pushed shoes and various garments aside, knelt and asked the Lord to supply the needed money. Then, in my childlike faith, I got up and started packing.

Mom was frantically trying to think of how she could get the money so that my faith would not be damaged (how often we mothers done that!). As she was worrying, the phone rang. It was my Grandpa wanting to drop by. He usually only dropped by after his wife had beat up on him - but that's a whole other story! When Grandpa arrived, he handed my Mom money, the exact amount needed for me to go to camp and have spending money. Understand, no one told him. Grandpa never gave my parents money, plus my parents would never have asked. God moved on a most unlikely source to meet my prayer of faith.

This Stone of Remembrance is one of the bedrocks of my faith. God has always met my needs in so many different ways, but this one set the course for my belief in God's goodness.